


This Christmas

by phoenix_173



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Choose Your Own Ending, Christmas Angst, F/M, Misunderstandings, friends to more?, happy or sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-06 17:16:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5425298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenix_173/pseuds/phoenix_173
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was her best friend. This Christmas, she was finally going to tell him how she felt. What's the worst that could happen?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [katiedidarchive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katiedidarchive/gifts).



> So I was driving around one day, listening to Christmas music, as one does at this time of year, and Taylor Swift's version of 'Last Christmas' came on. And I thought, what if? Could I possibly write a Darcy/Steve angst piece? Well, I told Katie about it, since she's my brain twin, and she was all: GIVE IT TO ME!!!! 
> 
> So we put our next big project on hold and I went to work. I gotta say, I write a lot slower without her. But since this is what she wanted, well, I couldn't possibly deny her, right?
> 
> Also, This should be about 4-5 chapters. Maybe. I reserve the right to change my mind. Katie wants sad, I want happy, so the plan is to write both. We'll see how that goes.
> 
> Many thanks to the many cheerleaders I've had for this. Obviously katiedid. But also pinkpandorafrog and daniellemydear. And many super thanks to my beautiful beta, angelastjoan. She fixes all the tenses and commas.

Chapter One

 

The Christmas party was in full swing when Darcy entered. Jane had been holed up in her lab so she’d had to extract her from the SCIENCE! to start getting ready, and it’d taken a lot longer than she had expected to get the genius ready. Thor had collected her and headed up to the Penthouse for the party.

Darcy had done most of her preparations before retrieving Jane, knowing the majority of her time would be spent convincing Jane to leave her equations for later, finally having to resort to threatening to sic Thor’s amazingly effective puppy eyes on her.

She changed into her party dress, a deep green satin number with a boat neck and full skirt that stopped just past her knees. She’d worn seamed stockings and her silver t-strap pumps. Pepper had loaned her a crystal studded flower clip that she used to pin up one side of her curly hair. She wanted to look her best tonight.

Earlier that day, while talking to Jane about her hopeless crush on her best friend (the best friend that wasn’t Jane), Jane had talked her into going for it and telling him. It might just end up being the scariest thing she ever did. Scarier even than Dark Elves. Scarier than the Destroyer. And _way_ scarier than that murder-bot Ultron. Tonight. Tonight she was going to tell Steve how she felt about him. And damn the consequences.

She stepped off the elevator and headed for the bar. If she was going to do this, she was definitely going to need booze. She wove her way through the throng of people Tony felt compelled to invite. At least it wasn’t all socialites and politicians. It was team members, family, and friends. Of course, Tony’s definition of “friend” was pretty vague.

She stepped up to the bar and shot a smile at Natasha who was ‘helping’ the bartender. More like invading his space, but he seemed to be ok with it.

“Give me a Kamikaze shot and a Lemon Drop Martini, Nat, please and thank you,” she smiled at the red-head.

Natasha just gave her a once over and smirked at her, “You got it котенок.”

Darcy waited until she had the shot in front of her before saluting Nat and downing it in one gulp. She then turned around and surveyed the crowded Penthouse. Pepper had really outdone herself this time. The whole area was decorated to the nines. There were 3 Christmas trees all lit up with twinkle lights and ornaments with a few wrapped presents underneath each tree. There were garlands hung from the balcony. And it looked like a craft store ribbon aisle had exploded from the ceiling. It looked magical.

Natasha nudged her elbow and she turned back around to accept her glass.

“I’m on a mission tonight, Nat, wish me luck.”

“Always. But Darcy, just be sure this is really what you want. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“Awww, Tash, you do care.”

Natasha just raised an eyebrow in response, “Of course I care. About both of you. Just make sure you are very clear, so that antiquated piece of equipment has no misunderstandings.”

“I know, Tash. I just, I’ve worked myself up about this. I think if I don’t say something about it, I’m always going to wonder, ‘What if?’ ya know? We’ve been friends for 2 years now, I’m pretty sure we’ll survive whatever comes of this.”

“Ok котенок, удачи,” Natasha replied. Sending her off with a wave.

**

Steve had been looking forward to this party for the last few weeks. Normally he hated Tony’s parties. They were too loud, too many people he didn’t know, and too overwhelming. This party was going to be different. Pepper assured him it was going to be low key. Well, low key for a Stark party. But all attendees would be SHIELD and SI vetted so he wouldn’t need to be on guard the entire time. Wouldn’t have to worry about looking for people with a hidden agenda. Well, at least not any more hidden than usual.

Five months ago he’d taken Darcy’s advice and stopped chasing Bucky. She’d told him that maybe he had his own mission. To let him complete it, and maybe when he was finished, he’d come home. Three months ago Bucky came in from the cold. He’d shown up in the lobby of the New Avengers Facility and waited for someone to notice. 

The last three months had been a blur of catching up with his oldest friend. Introducing him to his newest friends and acclimating him to the training base. Tony had objected at first, before Darcy and Pepper had read him the riot act regarding brainwashing, mind control, and consent.

This party served dual purposes. Besides the usual holiday fanfare, it would serve to introduce Bucky to the rest of the extended Avengers family. Coulson was there with ‘New’ SHIELD and Fury had even shown up. Most of the R & D scientists had shown up, although they seemed to be more excited about meeting with Fitz and Simmons than the actual party. And all but a skeleton crew from the New Avengers facility upstate had come.

He was chatting with Rhodey when Darcy walked in. Jane had arrived a bit ago on the arm of Thor and he was surprised to not see her enter with her friends. But as she exited the elevator, his eyes were drawn to her. He watched her weave her way over to the bar and chat with Natasha as he finished his conversation with Rhodey, absentmindedly agreeing with whatever the man had said. 

He smiled as he caught her eye and she started making her way over to him after she thanked Natasha for her drink. They met halfway and gave each other a bright smile.

“Come here often, handsome?” she asked him with a smirk.

“Just for the booze,” he replied with a wink.

“Don’t tell me Thor brought mead with him! He’s been holding out on me.”

“Nah, doll, he gave me a small cask of it when he came back from his last trip home. I only break it out on special occasions. I’d rather keep my wits about me tonight.”

 

**

They spent the next hour in each other’s company, either on the dance floor or on one of the couches surrounded by their friends. Darcy had taught Steve how to dance after finding out he still didn’t know how. It turned out that the skills that allowed him to pick up different styles of fighting, also allowed him to pick up dance steps. They wowed the crowd with an energetic performance to ‘Rockin’ around the Christmas Tree.’ Steve could jive like nobody’s business.

They collapsed back to the couch in the conversation pit to catch their breath and rehydrate. Once she’d had a glass of water, Darcy took a big gulp of her cocktail. _Time to pull up your big girl panties, Darce. Grab the bull by the horns._

“Can I ask you a question, Steve?”

“You know you can ask me anything, doll,” he replied with a smile. That smile did things to her insides.

She took a deep breath, but as she opened her mouth to say something, she heard her phone go off on the table in front of them. ‘She Blinded Me With Science!’ blared at her from the table. She heaved a sigh at the interruption and made a face at Steve as she reached for her phone. She mouthed _Sorry_ at him before answering.

“You know, Janey, the point of taking a night off, is to take a night off,” she snarked into her phone with a grin at Steve. The nearly unintelligible babble coming from her phone made her pull it back from her ear and stare at it for a second.

“Woah, woah, woah. Start over and speak in a form of English that I might actually understand!” She stood and started pacing in front of the couch, muttering under her breath. “Uh huh, uh huh, right, sure. But Jane, can’t this wait for morning? I’m in the middle...right. Of course. I’ll meet you in the lab.” She turned to Steve who had stood when she had and was standing at the entrance of the pit watching her with an amused expression on his face.

“Duty calls, eh sweetheart?” he asked with an almost concerned expression.

“Oh, you know,” she replied, “Jane can’t live without me. She set up the lab with notifications if something specific happened. And apparently it happened. Whatever it was. We shouldn’t be long though. I’ve still got to give you your Christmas present, so save me a dance, soldier.” She winked at him.

He grabbed her hand as she moved to go around him, “You know it, dollface. You’re the only one I dance with,” he told her with a soft smile.

She blushed and looked at their hands before looking up at him with a huge grin, “See that you don’t.” She reached up and brushed a kiss on his cheek before placing her phone in the pocket of her dress, and really, why don’t all dresses have pockets? She smiled to herself as she made her way to the elevators. 

After she was on it and had pushed the button for the labs, she looked up and saw him watching her with a soft smile on his face. _Maybe this won’t be so hard after all._

**

Jane’s SCIENCE! emergency ended up taking the rest of the night. By the time she stumbled her way back to her apartment she was dead on her feet. She still wasn’t sure what had happened, but Jane needed her there, so there she was.

She had changed into her spare lab clothes once it became apparent that she wouldn’t be leaving the lab again that night. She’d ended up crashed out on the couch in the lab for a few hours while Jane’s data crunched. When Darcy finally managed to drag herself back to her room at 7am, her first goal was a shower, get cleaned up, and then go give Steve his present.

After her shower, she felt more human, and a little giddy. Steve’s behavior at the party had done a lot to settle her nerves. She began to believe what Jane had tried to impress upon her. That Steve felt the same way about her. Just thinking back to the way he looked at her while she was in the elevator brought a grin to her face.

She snatched up the small box that was sitting on her kitchen table as she left her apartment. She’d found a local artist to create it for her. She only hoped that Steve liked it.

She smiled as the elevator doors opened onto Steve’s floor. She couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when he opened it. She knocked briskly on his door, knowing he didn’t like the sound of his doorbell since Tony kept changing it in an effort to drive him crazy.

She was looking down at the small box in her hands when the door opened. As she looked up, her eyes widened and her eyebrows flew up her forehead and the box she was holding fell to the floor.

“Oh, Sharon, hi. Um…” She stammers.

“Were you looking for Steve? He’s in the shower. You wanna wait for him?” Sharon asked her gesturing behind her into the apartment.

Sharon was standing in Steve’s doorway, wearing what looked like his dress shirt, and nothing else. Luckily it was long enough to cover all the pertinent bits.

“What? Oh, no, no, I don’t want to disturb you...um...him. I just wanted to let him know that Jane’s SCIENCE! emergency last night means we’ll be heading out soon to gather some more data. We had plans for lunch next week. Um, yeah, so I’ll just go.” Darcy started shuffling back away from the open door and back towards the safety of the elevator.

“Oh, is this for Steve?” Sharon asked picking the gift up from the floor.

“Um, yeah, I’ll give it to him later,” Darcy said, reaching for the box to take back to her room with her. She couldn’t give it to him now. Especially not now.

“No worries! I’ll leave it for him,” Sharon told her with a smile.

Darcy managed a small smile for the other woman. Even as her heart was breaking. She waved to Sharon after stepping into the waiting elevator, waiting until the doors had shut to give in to the tears that had accumulated in her eyes.

 

**


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. Seriously. A is for Angst people. You were warned.
> 
> Thanks again for all the cheerleading: katiedid, pinkpandorafrog, daniellemydear and angelastjoan. Just to name a few.
> 
> Major thanks to my beta angelastjoan as always.

**Chapter Two**

**

Steve was just stepping out of the shower when he heard voices in the front room. He finished drying off and quickly got dressed as he heard the door shut, so he headed out to the kitchen for coffee.

“Morning, guys. Who was at the door?” He asked.

“Morning, Steve. Thanks for letting us crash here. Tony decided on a whim last week that the rooms that I’ve always used when I stay in the tower just had to be remodeled. The place is completely torn apart,” Rhodey replied with a roll of his eyes, handing Steve a cup of coffee.

“It’s no problem. My guest room hardly ever gets used. Especially since Bucky started bunking with Clint when he’s in the tower.” Steve smiled as he thought of his oldest friend. Tony had offered him his own apartment, but he prefered to stay with friends. He’d hit it off surprisingly well with Clint. They had a lot in common.

Sharon walked past him on her way back into the kitchen for more coffee and set a small gift wrapped box in front of him.

“What’s this?” He asked.

“Oh, that was Darcy at the door. She wanted to let you know she was heading out of the tower with Foster and wouldn’t make your lunch date. So she dropped that off for you. You two are adorable.” She replied with a smirk.

“It’s not a date. We’re just friends,” he sighed. _No matter how much I wish differently._

“Sure you are, Cap. And de-Nile’s just a river in Egypt.” Rhodey teased him.

“Well, open it you nerd! I want to see what she got you. I saw the scarf she made Natasha and I’m just waiting for the Christmas season to be over before begging her to make me one too.” Sharon said as she sat down next to him at the table.

He gingerly picked up the small box. It was a 5 inch cube wrapped in Looney Tunes paper. He smiled as he caught sight of Fog-Horn Leghorn on one side of the box. He carefully untaped the paper to reveal a carved wooden box. It looked similar to watch boxes that he’d seen in Tony’s closet the one time Pepper bribed him into making sure Tony made it to a gala on time.

When he opened the box he gasped. Nestled on a soft linen pillow was a brass compass. But the lid was a dark wood etched with his shield. The central star and white ring were mother of pearl, the blue ring seemed to be lapis and the red rings were garnet surrounded by Celtic knotwork engraved around the edge. The effect was beautiful and delicate, but sturdily made. He opened the lid and noticed an inscription on the inside.

_They say that home is where the heart is._  
Don’t get lost bringing mine back to me.  
Yours always,  
-Darcy 

Steve was speechless. It was gorgeous. Just like the woman who gifted him with it.

“Wow Steve, are you sure you’re just friends?” Rhodey teased.

 

**

Darcy could feel the tears sliding down her cheeks as the elevator descended to the lab floors. She knew Jane would be back there after her own shower and right now, she needed her best girlfriend.

But when she entered the lab, Jane wasn’t there. The room was completely empty. Even all the lab monkeys were gone.

“FRIDAY? Where is Jane?”

“Dr Foster is in her apartment with Prince Thor preparing for her trip. She has asked me to inform you that she will not be returning to the lab today, but to prepare for the journey to Sweden.” The AI told her.

Darcy’s shoulders drooped at that. If Jane was with Thor, she wasn’t going to interrupt. Especially if they were leaving for Sweden. Maybe she’d just head out into the city. Go wherever her feet took her. Her mind made up, she headed back to her apartment to get her coat, hat, scarf and mittens. Maybe she’d head to the Natural History Museum. Wandering the exhibits always made her feel better.

 

**

Darcy spent the next few hours meandering through the displays at the museum before leaving her sanctuary for lunch. She stopped by a small cafe that she had always wanted to try but never had.

 _All right Darce, you’ve wallowed. It’s time to let it go and get your shit together. You’re leaving for Sweden tomorrow. Maybe you can find a Norse god of your own to take your mind off it,_ she thought to herself while waiting at the crosswalk.

The light turned and she immediately started to cross the street. She was only three steps into the intersection when someone screamed and she looked up from her feet. She registered the horrified look on the face of the woman on the other side of the street before her body was impacted and everything went black.

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember, there is no warning for character death, so don't bitch at me about it. Chapter 3 will be the happy ending. Chapter 4 will be the sad ending. So if you don't want to read it, stop at chapter 3.
> 
> The inscription on the compass is from V is for Victory by daniellmydear and used with her permission. If you haven't read it, go do that. It's awesome.
> 
> Comments are awesome.
> 
> Happy Holidays.


	3. Chapter Three: The Happy Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Happy Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok folks, here's the Happy Ending. No angst to be had in this chapter.
> 
> Keep a look out in the next little bit for the angsty chapter.
> 
> ENJOY! -Nix

**Chapter Three**

**

 

Darcy gradually became aware of a steady beeping. It was quite annoying and she was trying to sleep! She let out a muffled groan and felt the pressure on her hand increase.

“Darcy? Darcy, are you awake?”

“Ugh. Somebody turn off the Sun! And turn off the alarm clock? Why the hell is it still beeping?” she groaned.

The pressure on her hand increased again and she realized it was because someone was holding her hand. That someone being Jane. She blearily opened her eyes and tried to blink away the fuzziness. It didn’t work, since she wasn’t wearing her glasses.

As soon as her eyes were open she had her arms full of weeping astrophysicist.

“Oh Darcy! I was so scared you were never gonna wake up! When I got the call from the hospital...I’m so glad you’re awake.” Jane hiccuped as she kept babbling endearing words of love and affection for her assistant.

Darcy patted Jane’s hair gingerly, taking note of the IV in her hand. That stopped her short for a moment as she attempted to look around the bundle in her arms. She became more aware of her surroundings and Jane’s earlier exclamation of ‘hospital’ finally reached her sleep addled brain.

“Jane? Janey? What happened? Why am I in what appears to be the medical suite at the tower?” She asked.

Jane sniffled and returned to the chair she’d been sitting in before Darcy woke up and replied, “What’s the last thing you remember Darce?”

“Um...dragging you out of the lab to get ready for the Christmas party? ...Oh man! Did I get drunk? Please tell me I didn’t get drunk. What did I do? Did I proposition Carol again? Or Logan? Please tell me I propositioned Logan. Rrrrwww.”

Her babbling brought a slight smile to her friends face before it dropped again.

“No honey, that was 3 days ago. The morning after the party, while I was getting packed up for Sweden, you spent the day out of the tower and on your way back, you were hit by a stolen cab. You’ve been out for 2 days. They took you to a hospital and called me since I’m still listed as your emergency contact. Once Tony found out what happened and you were stable to transport, he brought you back home, to the tower. He flew in Dr. Cho to take a look at you.”

Jane took her hand again as she explained that her left leg was broken in 2 places, and had severely sprained her wrist. She had an assortment of scrapes and contusions, but she had somehow miraculously rolled with the hit and ended up rolling up over the top of the cab and hit her head when she impacted the asphalt. The head injury was most worrying, they had to wait for her to wake up before placing her in the cradle to mend her broken leg.

Darcy realized then that her leg was immobilized on the bed, but not casted or in traction. At least if they brought in Helen, she wouldn’t have to deal with the agonizing boredom of waiting for her leg to heal. She’d broken her arm as a kid and the itching under the cast was a nightmare.

“So you don’t remember anything else after dragging me out of the lab? You don’t remember the party? Or having to leave early and meet me in the lab?” Jane asked her gently.

Darcy closed her eyes and thought back to what she thought was yesterday. She clearly remembered getting Jane out of the lab and heading towards the apartment she shared with Thor. After that things got blurry. 

She had vague feelings of happiness and contentment. And excitement, but for the life of her she couldn’t recall why. And there was a hint of sorrow. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but under those vague positive feelings was the idea that something bad had happened.

She told Jane what she did remember and that it wasn’t much.

“Helen said that might happen. She brought in a trauma specializing in head injuries to consult. Dr. Thomas said that some memory loss was to be expected. You might get it back, but it might be gone for good, but that we wouldn’t know how extensive the damage was until you woke up.” Jane’s eyes filled with tears again as she launched herself back into Darcy’s arms.

“I was so worried about you! Steve and I have been sitting with you the whole time. I finally got Thor to drag him away for food and a shower after he forced me to do the same. I expect him to be back any minute.” Jane mumbled into Darcy’s neck.

The realization that her best friends had been sitting in one hospital room or another for 2 days straight brought tears of her own to her eyes. These people were her family. Something she’d been missing since her parents died when she was 16.

“I’m fine, Janey,” she said as she squeezed her friend to her, “But if you don’t come out of there, my boobs might suffocate you!”

Jane giggled a little before squeezing Darcy one more time and releasing her and returning to her chair.

“Now what’s this I hear about Sweden?”

**

Steve and Jane had bonded while they’d kept vigil together in Darcy’s hospital room. Once they’d moved her to the medical suites in the tower, they’d had a long, frank discussion about his feelings for Darcy. He’d admitted to the woman the depth of his feelings for Darcy. She just gave him a knowing smile and patted his hand across Darcy’s bed from where she was sitting. 

While Jane slept in her chair, Steve held Darcy’s hand and told her how he felt. Promised her that if she would just wake up, he’d do everything in his power to prove it to her. He told her stories of all the trouble he and Bucky got into as children, and shared with her the secret of Rhodey and Sharon’s relationship. How they had a standing bet on how long it took Tony to figure it out. And every time Tony teased Steve about going after another Carter, Rhodey put another 5 dollars in the pot. The pot was ridiculously big now. He could take her on a very nice vacation with the winnings.

He played with his compass the entire time sitting in her recovery room.

He shared all his hopes and dreams for them and promised to show her, if only she’d open her beautiful blue eyes. He’d finally given in to Jane and Thor’s badgering and left to shower and eat.

Steve had rushed through his shower with the efficiency of a former soldier before doing the same with the food Thor had left on his kitchen island. He didn’t want to be away from Darcy’s side for long.

“Captain Rogers?”

“Yes FRIDAY?”

“Doctor Foster asked me to inform you that Miss Lewis is awake.”

**

Steve raced through the tower on his way to Medical, dodging people and machines as he travelled. At one point Bucky grabbed his hand as he tried to rocket past him and Clint.

“Woah there sport! Where’s the fire?”

“Darcy’s awake!” He exclaimed before shaking off his friend’s hand and bolting for the stairs.

Clint shook his head as he chuckled and watched Steve try and pull open the stair door that was push only.

“You think our fearless leader has admitted to himself yet that he’s in love with our favorite lab assistant?” Clint asked Bucky.

“I would be willing to bet he has,” he replied with a smirk.

**

Jane was just telling Darcy about the reason for their early departure from the Christmas party and the readouts that necessitated a trip to Sweden when Steve burst through the door to her room.

His eyes lit up at seeing her awake and a huge grin broke out on his face as he approached her hospital bed. Jane smirked as she backed away and retook her seat in the chair farthest away from the impending reunion.

“Hello handsome. Did you miss me?” She smiled at him.

Steve answered by engulfing her in the most encompassing hug he could with her injuries in mind. “Oh, sweetheart, you have no idea.” 

**

Steve spent the rest of the day with her while Jane left them alone for a few hours. When she returned, she came bearing gifts, literally. She’d had Thor bring all their stockings and hang them from the wall. Clint and Bucky had decorations for her room and got to it putting them up, while Natasha and Bruce brought the food down. Since they were in the Tower, the medical recovery room was large enough to accommodate all of them for their impromptu party.

Darcy was probably most surprised by Sharon and Rhodey bringing the platters of cookies and pies and setting them up on a table outside the room.

She tugged on Steve’s hand and he came closer to her when she gestured for him, “How long has that been going on?” she asked while gesturing between Sharon and Rhodey.

Steve blinked at her before smiling at her. “A few months, they’re trying to see how long it takes for Tony to notice. You want in on the pot? It’s up to a pretty penny.”

“Oh, you know I’m in. I don’t know why I didn’t see it sooner, they’re perfect for each other.”

Steve smiled at her before leaning in close and whispering, “Just like us.”

**

Darcy was able to celebrate Christmas in her own apartment. On Christmas Eve, she was released from medical under the supervision of her friends and FRIDAY. Since they brought in Helen for a medical consultation, her wrist was completely healed and there was only some minor bruising on her leg. She’d have to endure some pretty intense physical therapy while her body finished healing, but it was worth it to not be wheelchair bound.

She was slowly making a circuit of the living room when she noticed a present in the middle of her table. It hadn’t been there last night, so she was curious. It was flat and rectangular wrapped in shiny silver paper with a large red bow.

She decided that since it was Christmas Eve, and this present had been left out for her, she’d open this one early.

She ripped the paper down the back of the box, never one to be careful opening presents. She set the box down in front of her as she pulled the lid off to reveal tissue paper. She unfolded the paper and revealed a framed drawing. She picked it up to study it closer. It appeared to be a view from one of the rooms in the Tower, she could make out buildings in the background that she was familiar with.

In the foreground of the picture, sitting in the window seat, was her. But a much more happy, and to be honest, beautiful version of her. She had a book in her lap, but was looking forward towards the viewer, with a smile on her face. She touched the picture gently, as her eyes were drawn down to the artist’s signature. She smiled, having known it could only be one person. 

Her eye was caught by the bright blue note card in the bottom of the box. She picked it up and read it, 

_The world would be a perfect place, if I could see your smiling face everyday for the rest of our lives. Meet me in the library at 4._

_love, Steve_

Her heart started pounding in her chest. Could this mean what she thinks it means? She felt her face heat up at the prospect. Wait, what time was it?

“FRIDAY?”

“Yes, Miss Lewis?”

“What time is is?”

“It is 3:14, Miss Lewis.”

“Oh, shit. Ok. Thank you FRIDAY. Ok, ok, you can do this Darce, you can...shit…” She looked down at herself and realized she was still in the clothes she had worn out of medical that morning. 

_Crap,_ she thought to herself, _I need a shower and a change of clothes._

 

**

She settled on a pair of loose jeans and her favorite red sweater. She was still healing and wanted to be comfortable, but look like she made an effort. She did a half ass job drying her hair, so the curls were a little out of control as she made her way to the library on the common floor.

She loved this room. It was perfectly cozy, with reading nooks and soft lighting. As she stepped into the room she realized that this was where the scene Steve had drawn was set. And instead of her sitting in the window seat, there he was. Sitting in the window, looking out across the city.

“Come here often handsome?” she asked.

He turned away from the window and smiled at her as he got up from his seat. She started walking towards him after he held out his hand to her.

“Only when you’re here with me dollface.”

She smiled up at him as he pulled her into his arms.

“Did you mean what I think you meant with your present?” she asked him

“Did _you_ mean what I think you meant with _your_ present?” he replied.

“Why don’t you come down here and find out handsome?” she said as she pulled him down into a kiss. When they came up for air, she smirked at him and said, “I guess I’ll have to send Santa a thank you card. He got me just what I wanted.”

Steve grinned down at her, “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

“Merry Christmas.”

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they all lived happily ever after.
> 
> Merry Christmas!


	4. Chapter Four: The Sad Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sad ending. No, really. Bring your kleenex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Boxing Day!
> 
> Ok. Here it is. If you don't want to read this mess of angst, turn back now. No, seriously. Run away.
> 
> As always mad love to angelastjoan for the beta. And this is for my brain twin katiedid. I love you with all my heart!
> 
> ENJOY! ~Nix

**Chapter Four: Sad Ending**

 

Darcy gradually became aware of a steady beeping. It was quite annoying. She was trying to sleep! She let out a muffled groan and felt the pressure on her hand increase.

“Darcy? Darcy, are you awake?”

“Ugh. Somebody turn off the Sun! And turn off the alarm clock? Why the hell is it still beeping?” she groaned.

The pressure on her hand increased again and she realized it was because someone was holding her hand. That someone being Jane. She blearily opened her eyes and tried to blink away the fuzziness. It didn’t work, since she wasn’t wearing her glasses.

As soon as her eyes were open she had her arms full of weeping astrophysicist.

“Oh Darcy! I was so scared you were never gonna wake up! When I got the call from the hospital...I’m so glad you’re awake.” Jane hiccuped as she kept babbling endearing words of love and affection for her assistant.

Darcy patted Jane’s hair gingerly, taking note of the IV in her hand. That stopped her short for a moment as she attempted to look around the bundle in her arms. She became more aware of her surroundings and Jane’s earlier exclamation of ‘hospital’ finally reached her sleep addled brain.

“What happened? Where are we? Why are you trying to suffocate yourself in my boobs? I like you bosslady, but we’re really not that close yet.”

Jane leaned back from her embrace and blinked hard at her. “What do you mean we’re not close? What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Picking up dinner from the diner. You hadn’t eaten all day and were starting to get twitchy. So I walked over to the diner and Izzy packed you up a burger, fries and soup. After that, it gets kinda blurry. Did we go out into the desert that night? Was I driving?”

Jane looked at her in shock. Her eyes filling with tears. “Darcy, that was four years ago!”

**

After a consultation with the neurologist that Tony had flown in, a Dr. Thomas, it was determined that Darcy had retrograde post-traumatic amnesia. She didn’t remember anything that had happened in the last 4 years. She didn’t remember finishing her degree and starting her Master’s Program. Which sucked, because now she’d have to retake those courses if she wanted to continue with the program.

Jane tried explaining what had happened during the last four years, but it just made her head hurt. Because Norse Gods? Aliens Invasions? Dark Elves? Killer Robots made by Tony Stark? It was just too much. How was she supposed to cope with all that? The beeping in the room that had become background noise as Jane told her tale got steadily louder and more frequent. A nurse came in and admonished Jane to let the patient rest, going so far as to kick her out of the room while Darcy calmed down.

“Are you alright honey? Do you want me to keep them out of your room for a bit? So you can rest?” The nurse looked at her kindly while taking her vitals. Her breathing returned to normal and the beeping died down again.

“Would you mind? I just need some time to think, this is all just so overwhelming.” Darcy thanked her, but as the nurse was turning to leave something she’d said caught her attention, “Wait, _them_? Who else was here with Jane?”

“Oh, your young man, Steve. The Captain has been here day and night with Dr. Foster. The only reason he wasn’t in the room when you woke up was because Prince Thor finally dragged him away for a shower and some food. I expect he’s been told you’re awake at this point, but I’ll make sure you’re not disturbed until Dr. Thomas and Dr. Cho come back with some of your preliminary test results.” She gave Darcy one last sad smile before leaving the room and closing the door after herself.

Darcy flopped back into her pillows at that thought. 

She closed eyes and tried to force her memory to fill in the blanks. She just got more and more frustrated before finally giving up and rolling over as much as she could with her leg braced. Dr. Cho had told her it had been broken in two places, but that now she was awake they could put her in ‘The Cradle’ and she’d be as good as new in mere hours.

A nap. A nap would be just what she needed to deal with all this bullshit.

_How is this even my life?_

**

Steve had been in his apartment eating when there was a knock on his door. He wasn’t expecting anybody. Most people knew to look for him in Medical if they needed him, or ask FRIDAY to contact him. He shook his head and went to answer the door.

He was surprised by who he saw, it was Jane and Thor.

“Jane! What are you doing here? Who’s sitting with Darcy? Did something happen?” He kept babbling inane questions until Jane put up her hand to stall any more questions.

“Steve, calm down, she’s fine...mostly. Can we come in?

He took a step back from the door and said, “Of course! Come in, can I get you anything?”

Jane took a seat on his couch with Thor standing next to her holding her hand. “Steve, come here, you should sit down for this.”

Steve made his way over to his couch and sat next to Jane, facing her. “Jane, what is it? Just tell me.”

“She’s awake. Woke up a couple hours ago, but Steve, there’s something big. She’s lost some memories.”

“That’s normal though, right? In cases of severe trauma. That’s what Helen and Dr. Thomas said. She’ll get it back though, right? And it’s not her whole memory, right?” He was starting to get very anxious. Jane was very subdued for a person whose best friend just woke up after being hit by a cab.

“Steve,” she grabbed his hand and held it as she continued, “She didn’t lose a few hours, she lost years. At least 4 years by my best guess. The last thing she remembers is the first week or so of her internship with me in New Mexico. She doesn’t remember Thor, she doesn’t remember London. She doesn’t remember any of the Avengers. She doesn’t remember being my best friend.” The last was said as a few tears spilled over her cheeks. Thor squeezed her shoulder since she’d released his hand to take Steve’s.

Steve was shocked, to say the least. She didn’t remember him. Didn’t remember any of them. He pulled the compass out of his pocket and rubbed his thumb over the cover.

“Will she ever remember?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“Dr. Thomas isn’t sure. There’s a chance she’ll regain her memories, but there is an equal chance she’ll never recover them. When I tried telling her everything that had happened in the last four years, she started having a panic attack. The nurse kicked me out. I got Thor and came straight here to tell you.”

“Brother Steven, have faith. I’m sure the Fates will bring my lightning sister back to us.”

“I sure hope you’re right buddy. I don’t know what I’d do without her.”

**

By the time Dr. Cho and Dr. Thomas came back with test results, Darcy was awake and starting to get restless. She sat through the explanation on how ‘The Cradle’ would heal her injuries and what she could expect for recovery. When asked where she’d like to do her recuperation, Darcy asked if she could return to Virginia. She had an aunt there that she could stay with, and she’d be able to finish her graduate program more easily if she were near Culver.

Dr. Cho seemed surprised that she wouldn’t want to stay in New York, but quietly agreed to fill out the paperwork releasing her to her Aunt Angie’s care. 

The nurse from earlier entered the room with a tray on it and Darcy realized just how hungry she was.

“No solids until after your time in ‘The Cradle’ I’m afraid, but we’ve got some tasty broth and pudding for you.”

“This will be the most successful diet I’ve ever been on,” Darcy replied with a smirk.

After eating, she asked the nurse, whose name was Katie, to please keep all visitors away for the time being. She just wasn’t up to dealing with people she didn’t remember. Dr. Cho said she’d call her Aunt and explain the situation to her so she’d be ready for discharge once her treatments were over.

She filled her time watching television on the flat screen that came down from the ceiling. At least she wasn’t limited to hospital cable channels.

**

Steve was in the gym, doing what he did best. beating the shit out of the reinforced punching bags. If Thor weren’t busy consoling Jane he would have asked him to spar. He really wanted something that could hit back.

 _She doesn’t remember me. My best friend. Be honest with yourself, Steve. The woman you love doesn’t remember you. May never remember you._ The tears started to fall as he continued to wail on the bag in front of him. With one last punch he lunged at the bag and hugged it to him as he cried silent tears for the future that he was losing.

Resolutely, he walked over to his gym bag and dug out the compass.

_They say home is where the heart is_

His heart was now breaking, did that mean his home was broken too?

_Don’t get lost bringing mine back to me_

She was the one who was lost now.

_Yours always_

Not anymore. She was gone, and she may never come back.

He sat down on the bench next to his bag and hung his head while the tears kept falling.

**

The next morning Darcy spoke to Jane about what her plans were. Her aunt was more than willing to house her during her recovery and even offered to let her stay while she worked on finishing her Master’s. Jane tried to talk her out of it, but all Darcy would say was, “I need to go back bosslady. This crazy life you are leading? Full of aliens? Villains? Superheroes? That’s not for me. I just want my old life back. I’ll keep in touch, but you were constantly telling me that whole week that I wasn’t a real scientist. It’s about time I got back to my kind of science.”

Jane just cried and hugged her. Told her if there was anything she ever needed to call. She’d come running. A tall, blonde hunk of a man came in with Jane to say goodbye. Jane introduced him as Thor and Darcy’s eyebrows rose.

“Be well, little lightning sister. Should you ever be in need of aid, simply call out to Heimdall. You may not remember us, but you will always be a part of my family.” He leaned over her and drew what could only be runes on her forehead before kissing it. He smiled sadly at her before leaving Jane to say one last goodbye.

**

Tony Stark had arranged for her transportation back to Virginia and her Aunt met her plane at the small airstrip. She used her cane to hobble over to the car and got herself situated. It was time to restart her life. She couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. A little piece of herself was gone. If only she could remember what it was.

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There. That's it. Nobody gets to be happy. Nobody.
> 
> I'm gonna go curl up in a ball and cry now.

**Author's Note:**

> All translations from Google. If they are wrong, please let me know, and I’ll fix it.
> 
> котенок -- Kitten  
> удачи -- Good Luck
> 
>  
> 
> Here are a few songs I listened to while writing.
> 
> Last Christmas by Taylor Swift  
> All I Want for Christmas by Vince Vance and the Valiants  
> Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) by Death Cab for Cutie  
> Please Come Home for Christmas by Christina Perri  
> I Hate Christmas Parties by Relient K
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this. <3 Nix


End file.
